It's Called Poking Fun
by Aison Armigen
Summary: A normal day of the mishmashed Order! Crazy, insane, with emoangst and lovechildren! Original Order includes Axel Xemnas Zexion Demyx Xaldin Larxene Marluxia Xigbar Luxord. Rated for lang.
1. Intro

Ah, the parodies. Much love.

This was my night and I made myself laugh writing it. This one is set in a universe my friends and I have. It's more for our amusement but enjoy as well.

Going through, short explanations for all of "my" Order.

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1. Xemnas. Doesn't like anyone. Wishes for a good protégé, and while Onixas seems like she'd be she's always with Axel, who Xemnas despises with a passion.

2. Xigbar. Hates females, young people, people prettier, smarter, or stronger than him. Comes up with lame lines and swears a lot. Gets knocked out by Axel a lot. Likes Trix.

3. Xaldin. Peaceful. Doesn't like conflicts. Has trouble dealing with the stress of day to day Order life.

4. Civisioux. (aka Vicious from Cowboy Bebop- apologies for my making fun of him here, inside jokes) He's the newest "new" Order member, and took Vexen's place when he was terminated for going against Xemnas and trying to take out the newbies out of spite. Civisioux has a thing for looking up to Xemnas.

5. Onixas. My alter-ego. Came into the Order after killing Lexaeus as he attacked her house. Refuses to live in HQ, and is with Axel (of course). Is usually responsible for training newbies.

6. Zexion. Quiet. Dangerous. Emo. Has a thing for Axel that will not quit.

7. Xasuske. (aka Sasuke from Naruto- again sorry for the making fun of) Does not like being in the Order, especially since every one is stronger than him. Lives in his home and is currently being forced to train. Came into when Axel killed Saix for trying to kill Onixas.

8. Axel. Fire master. Hot. Hate Xemnas. Loves Onixas. Thinks it's great he doesn't have to live at HQ anymore and be around those lunatics.

9. Demyx. Crazy water freak who loves candy with an unholy passion. Harmless… if you keep him on a sugar high.

10. Luxord. It's not that he's high… or drunk… he just doesn't care. Wanna play cards? No. Doesn't matter.

11. Marluxia. Xemnas's messenger. Is with Namine and is moving out to be with her, making him have to train a replacement. More patient than most but who wouldn't be, having to wait on Xemnas?

12. Larxene. Yes, she's crude and rude and a bitch. But yeah she's one of the guys and as long as you don't call her a girl it'll be fine.

13. Trix. Came into the Order after Roxas left and tried to take his place with Axel. Failed horribly. Now tries to kill as many people close to Axel as she can, including Onixas. Oh well. There's one in every family.

And we can't forget Ikon! The super powerful "lovechild" created by Xemnas with his and Axel's DNA, much to Onixas and fangirls' delight.

So enjoy the original craziness and don't get loss on your way out!

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Pt. 1 Preview

"Let's see… super emo more than Zexion or The Superior…." -Onixas


	2. A Desperate Musician: The Art of Summary

**It all begins with a very desperate musician…: The art of summary**

Demyx: Please, Onixas, I'm begging you- I have to get out of here. Larxene and Trix fight over the shower every day and neither of them wash because they're fighting! Xigbar and Luxord are always drunk, or faking it, and looking for people to hit. Xasuske is being more emo than Zexion! And Zexion's mad Axel isn't here! Mar's teaching Civi to take his place as the Superior's messenger so he can go be with Namine, and Xemnas's been in a mood since you haven't been here in awhile. Xaldin zens so he's fine and Axel gets to live with you too! C'mon, Oni, I really gotta get out of here! Please! -note the tearful eyes-

Onixas: Uh… Demi, I just came to visit and pick up Xasuske for training.

Demyx: PLEASE!

Axel: Don't cling to her so much… -grr-

Demyx: Axel please!

Marluxia: -walking by- Demyx… why are you clinging to Onixas?... Oh. Trying to escape again right?

Demyx: -sobs-

Marluxia: -looks at Onixas/Axel- You should have waited until later. It's still morning. Lar and Trix will still be at it. Watch yourselves.

Axel: Point taken.

Onixas: -declings Demyx- Now Demi, you stay out of trouble…

Demyx: Noooooooo!

Onixas: …and I'll go get Xasuske and talk to Xemnas…

Demyx: Noooooooo!

Onixas: -glares- …about seeing if you would be able to stay with us.

Demyx: Noooo-…. Oh. Heh. Okay, yay, love you guys.

Axel: -aside to O- You didn't discuss this with me….

Onixas: -aside- Have pity…. -forward- So be good and be here when we get back.

Demyx: What if… -shifty eyes- -they- come?

Axel/Onixas: -They-?

Marluxia: -rolls eyes- The women… things. -continues walking-

Axel: Right.

Onixas: Kay. Demyx. Go hide somewhere.

Demyx: Right! -scampers off-

Onixas: -rubs eyes- ….Yooosh! Let's go.

Axel: Sasuke or Xemnas first?

Onixas: Let's see… super emo more than Zexion or The Superior….

Axel/Onixas: Mini-Emo.

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Pt. 2

"Can I go back in my room for this? I wanna listen to Every Rose Has Its Thorn again." -Xasuske


	3. Battle: Love! Emoness! The Shower?

**Battle: Love! Emo-ness! And the… Shower?**

Axel/Onixas: -walks down dormitory hallway-

Zexion: -appears as if from nowhere- … Hi.

Onixas: Zexion! Hello.

Zexion: -ignores- Hi… Axel… uh…

Axel: -glances, frowns, walks past-

Zexion: -hangs head- Yeah… right… I have… things to do anyway… -murderous intent gaze on Onixas, sulks away-

Onixas: -shivers, shakes head- So… let's see… number seven number seven. Here's the door!

Axel: -knocks- Yo, Seven, this is Eight and Five. Open up. You have training with us today.

-silence, Axel/Onixas exchange glances-

Axel: -knocks louder- Xasuske,-

Xasuske: That's not my name!

Onixas: -rolls eyes- Sasuke. We have training. Come out.

-Door swings open. Darkness. And nothing. Onixas/Axel exchange glances again-

Onixas: Uh…

-a form shudders into being and comes out with dark eyes-

Onixas: …Hi.

Xasuske: …………….

Onixas: ……………

Axel: …Right.

Xasuske: …Let's go.

Axel: She has to go check in with the Superior first.

Xasuske: ……….

Onixas: -blinks- Okay.

-explosion sounds down the hall-

Axel: What the…?

Onixas: I'm sensing two females.

Xasuske: Can I go back in my room for this? I wanna listen to Every Rose Has Its Thorn again.

Axel: -grabs sleeve- No.

Onixas: Incoming.

-long black wavy hair connected to an Order coat sails past the trio to slam into the wall-

Larxene: -wipes hands- And for the last time: I was here first, I get bathroom privileges! Fuck you! -slams door-

Onixas: Uh, hi Larxene! –mutters- So glad I'm not living here with these two.

Trix: -flips up, wipes a trail of blood from her mouth- Hah! She knows the lock's been broke on that for years! -goes to sprint back down the wall then notices onlookers- Why, hello, pests.

Onixas: Hello whore.

Trix: Oho! I'm not the one who- … Axel! How are you?

Axel: … Still hating you.

Trix: Oh, it'll pass once this bitch dies off.

Axel: …. -turns to Onixas- So how about visiting Xemnas then?

Trix: -fumes-

Onixas: Yeah okay!

-three walk off chatting- well two, the third has a stormcloud over him and he's talking to himself about power and revenge and how he only lives to kill a "certain person"- leaving Trix to remember about the bathroom too late as Larxene has barricaded the door and is now enjoying a hot shower while singing at the top of her lungs "Ode To Joy"-

Onixas: Odd…

Axel: Yes…

Xasuske: …and when I find him I will….

Onixas/Axel: -exchange glances, again-

Onixas: I think this castle does weird things to you.

Axel: -trying not to notice Zexion stalking him behind a pillar obviously- I think I'll agree with you.

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Pt. 3

"Angst!" -Zexion

"Good cover." -Onixas


	4. Desperation Again: Lazyasses&Foulmouths

**A very desperate musician again: Lazy-asses and Foul-mouths strike back! **

-high pitched scream is heard-

Demyx: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Axel: Oh gods….

Onixas: C'mon! -runs towards scream…-

-where Demyx is jumping for a candy bar held by Xigbar-

Demyx: Nooo! It's not fair! You can't show it to me and not give it to me!

Onixas/Axel: -fall over-

Xasuske: -goes to join a glassy eyed Luxord at a card table-

Luxord: Wanna play?

Xasuke: No…

Luxord: Whatever… -zones out-

Zexion: -slinks to table-

Luxord: -turns to Zexion- Wanna play?

Zexion: No.

Luxord: Whatever… -stares at wall-

Zexion: -apathetic glare-

Xasuske: -apathetic glare-

Zexion: -glare-

Xasuske: -glare-

Xasuske/Zexion: Hmph! -turn to look the opposite ways-

Onixas: -brushes self off- Oookay. Demi, sweetie, STOP SCREAMING. Okay.

Demyx: -is frightened-

Onixas: Xigbar…-

Xigbar: Go fuck a tree branch.

Onixas: Original. Stop tormenting Demyx.

Xigbar: Make me, number Five. Heh.

Axel: -finally gets up, proceeds to walk up to Xigbar and knock him out, sighs- Blessed silence.

Demyx: -squeals and jumps on the candy bar clinging to it until it crushes- Precious….

Axel: -stares, turns to Onixas- …And you want him to live with us…

Onixas: …That's what I said… wasn't it… hmm…. -stares as Demyx consumes the entire candy bar by unhinging his jaw- Wow.

Luxord: -looks at Onixas- Wanna play?

Onixas: ……..No.

Luxord: Whatever…. -looks at Axel- Uh……. Wanna-

Axel: No.

Luxord: Right. -looks at Xigbar's prone form- Wanna play? –pause- Okay. -deals out cards to his back, silence- No, I don't have any sevens.

Onixas: -blink… sweatdrop-

Axel: Let's go.

-Zexon and Sasuke are still adamantly ignoring at each other while glaring-

Axel: Uh, how bout you two wait here for us?

Xasuske: …whatever. It doesn't matter.

Zexion: I'll wait here for you Axel! -glances at Xasuske- I mean, uh, um, etto…. Angst!

Onixas: Good cover.

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Pt. 4

"...and we had such a stimulating conversation that turned to the eternal question of why milk shakes are never shook..." - Xaldin


	5. Axel Deals Drugs? Clones & Lovechildren

**Axel's a drug dealer: Clones and Lovechildren; oh my!**

Axel/Onixas: -wishing they could teleport inside instead of climbing all the stairs-

Xaldin: Yo.

Onixas: Xaldin! How's it going?

Xaldin: Well, truthfully, I was having a hard time staying sane here but then my buddy here, -claps Axel's back- hooked me up with this really nice… stuff… uh. Heh.

Onixas: -whips around, glares-

Axel: I felt bad for him!

Onixas: Xaldin look at me. -looks at eyes- Well he's gone.

Xaldin: Oh not at all. I was just discussing how sheep mate in winter with Luxord earlier and we had such a stimulating conversation that turned to the eternal question of why milk shakes are never shook and then-

Onixas: Okay! Okay. You're fine. Go get some sleep.

Xaldin: Yes we talked about sheep, did you want me to repeat the conversation? I don't know if I could remember it all…. - keeps walking down the stairs-

Onixas: What in the hells did you give him?

Axel: It zens him out, he needs it. Shush.

Onixas: Aye….

-two approach top floor-

Marluxia: Okay so basically you do what he says. Period. Then he gives you privileges if you don't complain. So just deal with the shit. That's it.

Civisioux: But, but, Xemnas-sama is perfect. He knows everything! Why would I complain when that –god- is going to give me work!

Marluxia: …. Yeah. He's just gonna just love you. Keep that up.

Civisioux: -goes into a euphoria of how great and magnificent Xemnas is-

Axel: I sorta hate him.

Onixas: I think Xem's gonna hate him too. It's sickening. Hey Mar. How's the new boy?

Ikon: Obsessed with my father.

Axel: Ikon! –sweatdrop-

Onixas: Ikon! –smile- How are you?

Ikon: I'm doing pretty well, how bout you sweetheart? My other father treating you right?

Axel: I am not your father!

Ikon: That's not what the DNA says.

Onixas: Yeah he is.

Ikon: That's good. If he's ever not…

Axel: Back off!

Ikon: Sorry "Dad".

Axel: Ugh! Xemnas created you! With my DNA! We're not your parents!

Ikon: But didn't you two have a relationship? I thought that's why he made me. As your secret lovechild. -innocent look-

Axel: -blinks furiously with many sweatdrops-

Onixas: Oho…. Axel dear, have I not heard about something?

Axel: Uh….

Marluxia: -from down the hall- What the f…!

Axel: -sigh of relief-

-three turn-

Onixas: What…

Ikon: …the…

Axel: …fuck!

Civisioux: Well since Xemnas is so great and so just wow I thought I'd do my hair like him since he's so cool and we both have silver hair but his is better of course and so shinier but maybe if I do my hair like him and dress like him and say words all cool…ly like him than I could start to be like him and he'd like me and we could become like best friends and share everything and tell secrets and have sleepovers and kill people and he could tell me how his hair is so shiny and just ahhh Xemnas is so great….. -stares up with stars in his eyes accenting his shorter Xemnas hair cut-

Onixas/Axel/Ikon/Marluxia: -blink very slowly- ……

Onixas: There are no words.

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Pt. 5

"Wait what? ….. Flame thrower? Kingdom Hearts universe Axel, not Pokemon! You are not Charmander!" - Onixas


	6. Escape is only flames and angst away!

**Of final boss battles and missions: Escape is only flames and angst away!**

Ikon: Onixas! Tell my fathers to be good to you! Or I'll steal you away!

Axel: -turns, opens mouth-

Onixas: -forcefully shuts his mouth, turns back around-

-go up final stairs, halt before a large door, slowly creaks open-

Xemnas: Enter.

Onixas: -bows head- Superior-sama.

Axel: -stands nonchalant- Xemnas. Fuck you.

Onixas: -falls over- Uh… anyway, Xemnas! Hi!

Xemnas: Axel. As always your death is imminent. Onixas. Taking Xasuske to train?

Onixas: Yes. And Demyx would like to know if he could assist his training?

-from behind the door-

Demyx: Tell him I wanna go wiiiiith!

Ikon: Shush! I can't hear the conversation with you screaming.

Onixas: Uh… ; So….

Xemnas: Please. Take him. The screaming keeps me up at night. If it's not the girls attacking him, it's the drunkards, or the emo-boys. His presence is so antagonizing that everyone goes insane.

Onixas: Well then.

Xemnas: And well you're at it, take… uh, the silver haired kid with Axel's hairstyle.

Onixas: Ikon? –sweatdrop, raises an eyebrow-

Xemnas: Ikon! Yes, that's it.

-behind the door-

Ikon: Fuck you too –father-!

Civisioux: Sacrilege! Sacrilege!

Xemnas: -head in hands- I couldn't convince you to take all of them could I?

Axel: Not a chance. Ever.

Xemnas: -glint in eye- Onixas… didn't you say you wanted a mission?...

Onixas: oblivious Hai! –smile-

Xemnas: Good! Then your mission, and this is a command, is to take and house the Order members until they are appropriately sane, sober, refined, or dead. Do you understand your mission?

Onixas: -blink, jaw drop-

Xemnas: I'll take that as a yes.

Axel: Xemnas you've gone too far, this-

Onixas: That is not a mission!

Axel: -falls over- Priorities please. Like our house! –mutters- And our sanity….

Xemnas: No no, it –is- a mission. You're reforming them. Cleaning them up. Doing a service to society. Letting me have some peace and quiet and a well earned vacation. Taking th-

Axel: -is at the end of his very own sanity- Vacation! You deserve a vacation! For what? Sitting!

Onixas: So not a mission!

Xemnas: Now now, I commanded it so do it. Now leave my office at once.

Onixas: Whaaat!

Axel: Ahhhh! Screw it! Flame thrower!

Onixas: Wait what? ….. Flame thrower? Kingdom Hearts universe Axel, not Pokemon! You are not Charmander!

Axel: What I can't name my fucking attacks?

Onixas: Not if they're already used by a lame animal slave based child show!

Axel: Oh fuck it. -walks out-

Xemnas: So…

Onixas: No. That's why I don't come here anymore. -walks away-

Xemnas: No wait!

-door slam-

Xemnas: That's why I hate those two. I miss having an Order where everyone's souls were controlled. No one talked back. How I miss the old days…..

-Meanwhile, on the bottom floor, walking-

Onixas: So not a mission….

Axel: Flame thrower is not a lame attack name….

Demyx: So I get to go with? –excited-

Ikon: So it would seem. I'll be accompanying you. Perhaps if I leave with this father my other one might miss me, and learn my name!

Axel: I am not your father!

Onixas: So what was that about a relationship with Xemnas? Is that why there's hostility?

Demyx: Wait. I get to go?

Onixas: Yes you get to go.

Axel: No you don't.

Demyx: YAY!- Wait why Axel? Whyyyyyyy?

Zexion and Xasuske are still at the card table

Zexion: -furious glare-

Xasuske: -furious glare-

Zexion: My life is hell.

Xasuske: Well, I don't consider my life as being alive.

Zexion: Well, I don't exist.

Xasuske: I only exist to kill.

Zexion: But you admit you exist.

Demyx: Ohhhhh. Burn.

Axel: What? Fire?

Onixas: Ah! Home now. Xa- Sasuke, up, leave your twin.

Xasuske: We are nothing alike. He knows nothing of my pain.

Zexion: I feel no pain! I feel nothing.

Onixas: Yes you are –nobodies- and alike. Good job.

Xasuske: But I said-

Onixas: Home. Demi, if you're coming with get Mar. We're leaving.

Demyx: Right!

Zexion: Bye Axel! Bye! Axel!

Axel: …burn everyone here… fire… ashes….

Onixas: Oh I'm getting there sweetie.

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Fin Preview

"So do we need to feed Demyx?" -Onixas

"Nah. Nobodies don't need to eat. He'll get more tired without eating and then we can untie him finally." - Axel


	7. The End? A few days of sanity

**The End: a few sweet days of sanity later**

Onixas: So do we need to feed Demyx?

Axel: Nah. Nobodies don't need to eat. He'll get more tired without eating and then we can untie him finally.

Onixas: Keep the gag?

Axel: Keep the gag.

Onixas: Ikon's training Xasuske for us?

Axel: Yeah he wanted to.

Onixas: He does like to fight, what with those fa- donors in his bloodstream.

Axel: Where's Marluxia?

Onixas: With Namine somewhere. Don't wanna know, don't wanna hear it.

Axel: So… You want to copy them?... –wink- Disappear for awhile?

Onixas: -grin- Okay. Heh. We'll go –train-….

-doorbell rings-

Axel: Expecting someone?

Onixas: No. You?

Axel: No…..

Onixas: Well…. -goes to answer-

-opens door-

Zexion: -flies inside- Axel!

Larxene: We got kicked out. Xem said we could stay here.

Trix: Small place.

Xigbar: Crappy decorating.

Luxord: -looks at wall- Wanna play?

Xaldin: Axel do you have any more of… that?

Civisioux: Where's Xemnas! –wails-

Onixas: Oh you'll be seeing him soon enough! Xemnas! -tries to teleport- Wha?...

Larxene: Yeah. He shut down HQ. How many bathrooms do you got?

Trix: Call dibs! Bitches! Hah!

Larxene: -tackles-

-crashes-

Xigbar: So I'll be taking the master bedroom. Luxord heel.

Luxord: Play?

Xigbar: No.

Luxord: Whatever.

Xaldin/Zexion: Axel!

Zexion: -glares, jumps on- No more rivals!

Xaldin: …just…a puff….

Civisioux: Xemnas! Oh my master why have you forsaken me!

Onixas: -vein bulge-

Axel: Ugh. What are we going to do? Get out!

Xigbar: Make us.

Onixas: -vein bulge more-

Ikon: Training done! –Woah.

Xasuske: -sees Zexion- You! -jumps on Zexion and Xaldin-

-crashes from Larxene and Trix-

Onixas: -vein bulge more…-

Demyx: Heh. You guys forgot to untie me. It's okay. I had a clone undo it. –smile-

Axel: Uh… Onixas….

Onixas: -vein bulgeness-

Marluxia: We're home! Not interrupting anyth…. Wow.

Axel: Onixas?...

Demyx: So what's for dinner?

Onixas: -spaz attack- AHHHH! XEMNAS!

**-Fin-**

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Fin... or is it?


End file.
